Click here to receive your Free DVD and CD
Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Stress Management
Stress Management Tips by experts
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Stress Management Stress Management Tips by experts |
|
|
|
|
4 Steps to Teaching Your Family to Treat You Better
Case #1- Elizabeth, a 40 year old homemaker was always feeling angry and "used" by her family, constantly saying that everybody took advantage of her. She felt that she worked like a slave but her family showed no appreciation or acknowledgement of her many efforts. Case #2- Bill, a 34 year old husband complained that his critical wife was always angry at him. He spent his life trying to cope with her outrages which often escalated him into defensive anger which didn't happen anywhere but in this relationship. Case #3- Betty, a 42 year separated mother struggled with her soon to be ex-husband's contempt and disrespect every time she angrily called him to discuss details of their divorce. These three cases bring up the question often asked by participants in our anger management classes: Is it possible to control how family members treat us? The short answer is "no" - but often we can teach them to treat us better! Believe it or not, we are constantly teaching our family how to treat us- both by our responses to their behavior, and by the behavior we display to them which they react to. In our case examples: - By automatically doing whatever her husband and children requested, Elizabeth was "teaching" them that there are almost no limits to what she would do for them. - With his behavior, Bill was actually teaching his wife that the way to get attention from him (even if it was negative attention) was for her to create drama. - Betty was so intimidated by her husband, that her defensive "attitude" was "teaching" him that to deal with her, he had to push back with the contempt and disrespect that he constantly showed her. The dance of anger Our interchange with family members is often like a carefully choreographed dance. They make a move. You make a move in response to their move. They then respond to what you said or did and ?well, you get the idea! How do you change the dance? Start by seeing yourself as a teacher-of how you would like your family to treat you. Four ways to change what you teach others 1. Try a softer start-up. Marital research shows that the first few seconds of an interaction can predict the final outcome of the encounter. Try being softer, more polite, more respectful, less hostile, or more empathetic-and see how this change in your approach actually teaches others to respond better to you. 2. Take a time-out before dealing with the conflict or situation. Conflicting or arguing family members often work themselves up to a point at which problem solving is impossible. The solution is to retreat and give yourself time to calm down and think things over. This takes at least 20 minutes, often much longer. Before taking your time out, it is important to tell the other person that you will commit to returning soon to deal with the conflict, after you are calmer-then be sure to do it! 3. Acknowledge that you see how they must be seeing the situation. Called "empathy," this response on your part teaches others that you care about their feelings and viewpoints, and opinions. Acknowledgement doesn't mean that you necessarily agree with their viewpoint -only that you see it. Sometimes, your family needs to know that you care about them and respect their opinions before they listen to what you say. 4. Set limits and boundaries for your family members. Limits and boundaries are basically rules regarding acceptable behaviors toward you as well as what you are willing or not willing to do. If you feel others are taking advantage of you, ask yourself what you may be doing ( or not doing )to give the message it is "ok" for them to do whatever they are doing. Often you can change their behavior toward you by teaching them different rules of being with you. The easiest way to do this is simply to respond differently yourself. For instance, they make you the core of a nasty joke. Being a nice person, you pretend it doesn't bother you (even though it does), so you laugh with everybody else. As an alternative, try not laughing with them, which is a way of teaching them that they have crossed a boundary with you. 2005 © Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved. Dr. Tony Fiore (http://www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at http://www.angercoach.com
MORE RESOURCES: See the complete list of Articles on Stress Management here Have a look at Best Selling Books on Stress Management
See also : Other articles on
Depression,
Grief Loss,
Happiness,
Humor,
Inspirational,
Motivation,
Why not be an expert yourself ? If you can write on
any of the above topic, you are welcome to submit your Submit
your article here |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
7 Tips to Help You De-stress & Handle Your Problems Life would be so wonderful if it weren't for other people. Let's face it, people will upset you. The 3 Rs of Taking a Vacation Without Leaving Home This summer, get away, without going away. Take a mini vacation right in your own home. The Three Rs of Handling Your Emotions My son was watching a Richard Scarry video this morning as I was doing my usual rushing around, getting ready to leave the house. He's watched it countless times, but I've never managed to sit through the entire thing. Stress Management: How to Handle Rejection - The Power of NEXT Raise your hand if you have ever been rejected by anyone, for anything, at any time. C'mon, be honest. How Breathing Differently Can Make You Happier "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire. Are You Stressing Yourself by Thinking Too Much? Why is it that some people become totally stressed when the smallest thing goes wrong while others can cope with extraordinary amounts of pressure with it batting an eye?There can be many factors at play here. We become more easily stressed when we are tired or unwell. Stress Free COBRA If you have recently lost health insurance coverage through your employer from voluntarily or invulnerably termination of employment (excluding reasons of gross misconduct), you and your dependents may be eligible to continue your coverage under COBRA (Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act). Understanding the basics of how COBRA works and what your options are, can help you make better choices with less stress. 10 Ways to Benchmark Workplace Stress With almost 50% of workers complaining that their jobs are very stressful, it is no surprise that more than two-thirds of all medical problems are stress related.Each day, workplace stress is credited with more than a million absences and at least 40% of all personnel turnover. Stress Management Techniques Self-Care Strategies:Substantial breakfast dailyRegular sleeping habits (minimum of 7 hours)No smoking Moderate use of alcohol, caffeine and other drugsMinimal intake of sugar & highly processed foodsMaintenance of proper weightRegular exercise programDrink much more water than you usually do.Relaxation Techniques:Jog in place or do jumping jacks-count to 300Roll head and torso from side to sideTense your muscles individually, then relax themPull seat of chair for 5-count: repeat with legs xtendedTake a deep breath to count of 4, exhale to 4, and repeat 4 timesMassage your forehead or temples; repeat the word "calm"Try to walk at least 10,000 steps a day. The Message Bill Heard Voice: Bill!Bill: I thought I heard a voice.Voice: Bill! This is a Message from Heaven. Stress Management Through Altering Beliefs And Increasing Knowledge Most humans experience unexpected setbacks which can cause huge stress and can halt their forward progress in life. Our attitudes, beliefs and knowledge can make a big difference to how we deal with these setbacks. Reduce Stress and Increase Energy with Your Point of View! Defending your point of view can use up a lot of your precious energy. As much as 90% of our available energy can be used in this way. Canadian Physicians on Slippery Slope of Burnout In a recent CMA survey of 2251 physicians, over 45% were found to be in an advanced state of burnout. If this reflects the seriousness of the problem in the general population of physicians in Canada, then it can safely be said that the healthcare system is at serious risk of collapse. Relieve Anxiety with Hypnosis There are two types of anxiety:*Situational*Existential.Most of us experience both kinds. How to Stop Stress and Overwhelm Quickly! My work often deals with proactive, preventive means to Overcome Overwhelm & Achieve Your Desired Results. During our transitions, overwhelm can still come up from time to time, so we need to have the tools to stop stress and overwhelm quickly when it does arise. Stress Management: 5 Questions to Get Crisis to Work for You Q: Someone told me that the Chinese symbol for crisis means danger and opportunity. I just lost my job, and I see nothing but bad stuff in this. 9 Warning Signs of Stress Stress is the nastiest 4 letter word you ever met. Don't stress, I know it is six letters but it packs the wallop of the meanest 4 letter word you ever heard. Make a Handbag - Discover Inner Peace and Stress Reduction Have you ever considered sewing a handbag as an act of meditation or as a way to get in touch with your self and reduce stress? Let's look at the process In order to see the connection to inner peace.To make a handbag, the sewer needs to focus on the immediate - you need to be precise and concentrate on what you are doing at the present moment. Ease Your Stress ? Change Your Life! Feeling stressed? Who isn't!! In today's society, feeling "stressed out," overwhelmed and exhausted is the norm. However, moderate day-to-day stress takes its toll on our minds and bodies. Stress Managment and Mastery: Too Much to Do Stress - Write it Down, Break it Down, Knock it Down "I've got too much to do, I've just got too much to do!"We have all said it and we have all lived it. I call this particular kind of stress Too Much To Do stress, or TMTD stress.
|
|
You are here |
|
| Stress-Management Tips Home | Stress-Management - Complete list | |
|
| Main Home | | Meditation Corner | |
|
|
| Recommend us | |
|
[About
us] [Contact] [Privacy
Policy]
Copyright 2006, Meditation
is Easy.com, All
rights reserved
