Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Relationships
Relationships Tips by experts
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Relationships Relationships Tips by experts |
|
|
|
|
Relationship Spring Cleaning by Susan Sheppard
History doesn't belong in a relationship that is present My friend, Jack Rafferty, the famous Man-Woman Coach, used to say "don't clean the clean" referring of course to relationship. What he meant by that was once you have gotten angry, argued, and "effectively dealt with" something that happened that hurt your feelings, be done with it. Don't keep bringing it up like dirty laundry. Once you have forgiven someone for something, it's history. . The conflict, resistance to new concepts, stored resentment and revenge for old hurts, that happens in most relationships relates back to those three words "effectively dealt with", which unfortunately in most cases, isn't what happens. For most couples, the barometer for intimate relationships is sex. If your sex life is hot and exciting and fun, chances are you have a pretty clean relationship. When there is trouble in the bedroom, usually it's an indication that there are a lot of cobwebs and dirt stuck in the corners of your intimate relationship and that you or your partner have shut down some avenues of communication. What do I mean? Let's say your partner doesn't show up for a date with you. You manage to get through the evening and get home to find him/her home, relaxing, having completely forgotten that he/she was to have met you somewhere. You get into a heated argument about his/her lack of consideration and a lot of I'm sorry's are exchanged. Was that effectively dealing with the situation? Hardly. The resentment still exists on both sides. What do I mean both sides? Well, this is my theory. The person who didn't show up was already carrying resentment and unconsciously, carried out revenge in a passive aggressive manner by missing the appointment. The person who got stood up never got satisfaction in the resolution and now carries his/her own resentment, which will surface again at another time. This couple does not have a clean relationship. Payback goes on in every relationship at some time or another. It is comparable to the accumulation of junk in your house. Just as spring cleaning gets rid of dust bunnies under the bed and cobwebs behind the bookcases, periodic cleansing sessions in your relationships will restore freshness and vitality to your love. Few couples understand this or know what to do about it. Some religious organizations have retreats for married couples where they do some of the work I am about to suggest, however, the catastrophic divorce rate in our country indicates that very little of this kind of work is attempted or completed by married couples. Even highly enlightened, aware couples require some nudging to maintain the level of squeaky clean communication that I am referring to. Here is a suggestion for a process that can be used to clean house. Relationship Spring Cleaning. Note: When you are done with this exercise, if you don't feel like you just met and fell in love, you are not done and you would benefit from more of the same. Once you have completed your serious spring cleaning, it is then important to maintain this level of communication. You can accomplish this by daily, weekly or whenever necessary withhold sessions, shorter but similar to the above. If you know that your partner loves and respects you and considers your relationship a sacred trust, you can willingly sustain such vulnerability. As you practice this level of trust with each other, it becomes easier to notice when something occurs that violates your bond. The best practice is to "effectively deal with" issues as they happen. Sound idealistic? I don't think so. Once you get in the habit of having clean relationships with everyone, you won't be able to tolerate hidden agendas, suppressed feelings or anything generating resistance, resentment or revenge. You won't let missed appointments or oversights or hurt feelings dirty up your association with anyone. Accountability is the essence of communication. Be 100% responsible for your own communication and 100% responsible for receiving other's communication. That way, if everyone takes more than their share of the accountability, our world will be free of misunderstandings. Now perhaps that is somewhat idealistic, but imagine how great it would be to live in a world where the inhabitants honored that principle.. "I help people who want sacred intimacy in a hot relationship, get what they want from each other so that they can experience more fun, more sex and less bickering!" Susan Sheppard Getting What You Want If you would like to use the article written by Susan in this edition of Getting What You Want, permission is granted as long as the copy remains unchanged and the resource information is included at the bottom of the article: Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives. Enroll in an e-course www.RomanceReentry.com
MORE RESOURCES: See the complete list of Articles on Relationships here Have a look at Best Selling Books on Relationships
See also : Other articles on
Depression,
Grief Loss,
Happiness,
Humor,
Inspirational,
Motivation,
Why not be an expert yourself ? If you can write on
any of the above topic, you are welcome to submit your Submit
your article here |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio A few years back I was on a radio talk show out of New Orleans called "The Andre' Show" discussing "What Makes a Marriage Successful".The producers had seen my column in the New Orleans paper and decided to create a talk show topic from the column. Players: How to Deal with Them Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like to give the inside scoop on how to handle these guys. Victorias Secret Disclosed! SHHHHHH, don't tell anybody, but, I know the secret.It all started with a simple shopping spree. Relationship Advice: Powerful Tips for Staying Close and Connected Staying close in your relationship does not just happen.Staying close requires conscious attention and effort. How to Have an Affair - Beware! People decide to have an affair for many reasons. They could have become disappointed with their marriage expectations which may have been too high to fulfil or they may simply want to carry on having an open relationship as they have in their past. 5 Ways to Tell Your Man You Love Him Telling your man that you love him is part of assuring him that he is special to you. But it is not enough to verbalize how you feel about your man. Stop Making Relationship Mistakes! Avoid Another Unhappy Relationship! It is possible for women to steer clear of an unhappy relationship. However, it will require taking an honest look at themselves and their relationship mistakes. How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life So your relationship has changed over the years since you said "I do" and sex isn't what it use to be. First you should know that this is normal and common place in the majority of marriages. How Often do you Think About What you are Going to Say? How often do you think about what you are going to say prior to actually saying it? As a counselor, I have been trained to understand that working with Native Americans, there may be a quite a long pause before my client makes a response to something we are discussing.Native American children are taught through folklore, that they need to think carefully about the words they are going to use. The Evolution of Dating at 40 and 50 I am sick of the dating scene at 40. The hassles of trying to meet someone is grating over my nerve cells. Dinner Scooped Off the Floor - Why Men Wont Commit "We strengthen a muscle by using it, and that is true of the heart and mind, too."---Danielle Crittenden"I just got an email from him and I need your help," was the first thing she said when I answered the phone. Relationship Conflict - Blow Up or Blow Through Every now and then I hear a "relationship expert" say that they have never had a argument with their spouse. This is when I find myself thinking this person is either lying or certainly can't relate to me. Secrets To Get To The Heart Of Your Loved One The other day, I was home with my sweet love when my sister called. She was in a bad mood because she was babysitting my cat (I was out of town) and my cat had made a mess in her sofa. Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down "Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads. Bring Back the Cilice Belt Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt to popular attention. Silas, Brown's tonsured hit man in "The Da Vinci Code", wears one and also flagellates himself with The Discipline, a knotted rope. The Sting of Infidelity Isnt that Bad! Right? Is it? 1. Sleepless nights are part of a victims' experience and they have countless reasons to toss and turn. Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married? I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair." One affair, "I Can't Say NO!" is characterized by addictive tendencies. Real Friends About a year ago, I was talking to a friend of mine on the telephone. He had just experienced a big success in his career and wanted to brag. Rescue and Rebuild Your Relationship: 7 Tips to Make it Work Create Time To Share And Time On Your Own.Establish time to spend together and time for yourself. Extramarital Affairs: What Everyone Needs to Know and What You Can Do to Help Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity.
|
|
You are here |
|
| Relationship Tips Home | Relationship Tips - Complete list | |
|
| Main Home | | Meditation Corner | |
|
|
| Recommend us | |
|
[About
us] [Contact] [Privacy
Policy]
Copyright 2006, Meditation
is Easy.com, All
rights reserved
