Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Positive Attitude
Positive Attitude Tips by experts
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Positive Attitude Positive Attitude Tips by experts |
|
|
|
|
Condition or Definition?
In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a statement about a negative habit followed by these words: "that's just who I am." I challenged her to re-examine what she had said. In fact, the truth was, she had a habit, but it was no more "who she is" than to say that the package your food comes in is the food. It is the package. It may represent the food or cover the food, but it isn't the food. And therein lies a key distinction. I challenge you this week to examine whether you have given power (identity) to something that is actually a condition rather than a definition of who you are. Listen for how often in casual conversations we associate our identity with something we do or don't do. "I'm just disorganized" becomes the definition of who I am instead of a description of a messy desk. "I'm sick," becomes part of my identity rather than the truer statement, "I have X condition." A condition doesn't have to possess you, unless you wrap your identity around it. When you do, you automatically ascribe power to that condition that it doesn't have. You'll hear this powerlessness come out in statements such as, "I'm no good at..." or "When I get X, then I can truly be happy or satisfied." In other words we delay "being" happy or satisfied until some future time when a certain condition is met. In truth, if we can't be happy or satisfied right now, no condition in the future will make us any more so. In 5th grade, my male teacher told me I (because I was a girl) wasn't good at math. From that point forward, I unconsciously adopted "I'm not good at math" as part of my identity. And sure enough, I struggled in every math class from then on. It caused me other problems as I grew up and convinced myself that "not being good at math" also meant I couldn't balance my checkbook. That's because the moment we give something an identity in ourselves, we begin to align "reality" to concur with that picture. A more accurate statement of my math proficiency might have been to say that I had the ability to handle concrete mathematical problems but was challenged by conceptual mathematics like algebra (a subject I could never see much use for anyway!) Listen to yourself today. Where have you defined yourself and then aligned your behavior with that definition? "I'm fat. I'm lazy. I'm no good at public speaking. I'm disorganized. I'm sick and tired of X." The examples are everywhere. Our language about our situations reveals whether we've acknowledged a condition or adopted a definition. Realize that a condition is usually temporary. Create some space around it by simply noticing how you've allowed it to define you. Oh yes, and notice how much judgement you're carrying around about yourself over whatever condition you've adopted as a definition. When you can get to the point where you simply notice, "Oh I've gained 5 pounds," without wrapping an identity of "I'm fat" around it, you're free to choose a set of behaviors that produces a different set of conditions for you. Learn to distinguish between conditions and definitions. Beware of definining who you are in terms of habits or behaviors. Refuse to allow your identity to be limited by a limited condition. It can be the beginning of a very real place of peace and choice in your life. And as always, enjoy the journey. Betty *********************** "The Master observes the world but trusts his inner vision.He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky." ~~Lao-Tzu Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe or learn more about Betty's coaching and training services, visit http://www.dynamic-coaching.com
MORE RESOURCES: See the complete list of Articles on Motivation here Have a look at Best Selling Books on Motivation
See also : Other articles on
Depression,
Grief-loss,
Elder Care
Relationships
Why not be an expert yourself ? If you can write on
any of the above topic, you are welcome to submit your Submit
your article here |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Notable Thoughts on Positive Living I went online -- and what do I see? A news report scrolled across my screen: "Murder by Mother's Milk," compliments of the Associated Press. I try to keep up with the news as it informs me of my environment, the world around me and society in general. Reacting To Given Situations! The milkman knocks at the door of the old lady's apartment. He notices that the door is open. The Courage To Succeed! The hardest part of success is the **courage** you need to succeed--when you think: "I'm afraid to talk to people.", or "I'm a loser, nobody in their right mind would follow me. Self-esteem: Does It Really Matter? Some people are full of confidence and able to meet even the most difficult challenge with an air of authority. A good level of self-esteem is essential for us to function successfully in our professional and personal lives. Five Ways to Stay Positive in a Negative World In view of the increasing negative events happening around the world here are five things you can do to help you stay positive.1. Being Tender With the Ugly Parts of Yourself Does that title make you cringe? It made me cringe when it popped into my head a few days ago.We don't like to think about our "ugly parts," do we? By ugly parts of course I mean those aspects of ourselves we perceive to be less than perfect. Firewords: A Dangerous Necessity in Your Life? There are many stories of people injuring themselves, and others, with Firewords in the old wild days of entrepreneurship and it is usually passed off as the price that had to be paid in order to win.However, as time passes, there is a tendency to confuse reality with myth about how people rose to be so successful. Anger - The Truth Beneath The other day one of my "challenging clients" and I were debating the appropriateness of anger. While maintaining my perspective, I was also enjoying listening to his commitment to anger. You Are A Winner! You are already a winner, and so am I.Although you may not consider it to be the case, there was a time when both you and I were at the absolute peak of our physical capacity. Quick Steps To Improve Your Performance Though Positive Self-Talk Want to improve your personal performance? Positive self-talk can help.Edward W. How to Stay Positive in a Negative World Gail's StoryGail is a friend of mine and she was relating to me for the hundredth time about the situation her brother was in. Gary is a nice enough guy. Why Positive Thinking Doesnt Work! There was someone I used to work with who, well aware of their tendency to look at the negative side of things, used to constantly tell themselves to "think more positively". This was said with such a feeling of desperation that I just knew that not only would they NOT think positively, they would probably go even further into negative thinking. Penury Perpetuates Poverty So.. How You Treat People Matters I encountered several interesting people that really taught me something. The first person was a man who works for Mc Donald in Thousand Oaks Mall. Help Yourself to a Better Future There are very many methods for achieving improvement to our personal confidence and self esteem, far too many to investigate in depth in a short information file. So on this page, we will have a look at the most popular and, for most people, the most effective. Stop Complaining You don't need to a piece of paper to prove that you can do something! I don't have anything against achieving or completing degrees or obtaining masters and all that - absolutely nothing. In fact, I am a law graduate myself and will strive to provide good educational background for my kids in the future. Business Career, Executive Coaching - The Top 10 Tips to Begin the Practice of Positive Affirmations Positive Affirmations are things we say to ourselves that build us up and make us strong. They empower us to take chances and to be our best. How To Self Talk Your Way To Success? Dear Friends,All human beings have a unique ability right from birth, theability to "think" and express his/her thoughts in the form of "speech", "written words" etc.. Your Dominant Thoughts - How to Take Advantage of Them Self belief is a wonderful thing.I know from my own life experiences that whenever I have been filled with dread or doubt I am unable to perform at a satisfactory level. Power of Positive Beliefs I am an educator as well as a coach and am interested in what it is that brings out the best in the people with whom I work. Over the last few years I have read a great deal of research on the power of beliefs.
|
|
You are here |
|
| Positive-attitude Tips Home | Positive-attitude Tips - Complete list | |
|
| Main Home | | Meditation Corner | |
|
|
| Recommend us | |
|
[About
us] [Contact] [Privacy
Policy]
Copyright 2006, Meditation
is Easy.com, All
rights reserved
