Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Positive Attitude
Positive Attitude Tips by experts
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Positive Attitude Positive Attitude Tips by experts |
|
|
|
|
Releasing Self Sabotage for Success and Happiness in Life
Today, I wanted to mention this notion of self-sabotage. I recently studied some material of Kevin Hogans and lots by John Grinder on this topic. John is the co-creators and developers of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). John points out the differences and distinction between what he refers to as 'first-order change' and 'second-order change'. First order change is not really relevant to my writing today. Second-order changes are where a person could encounter what many people refer to as self-sabotage. Some examples of self sabotage include: - going partying until 4am the night before an important job interview - setting a goal of getting fit and healthy then eating chips and chocolate every night - deciding to leave an unhealthy, unhappy relationship, then not doing it When a person's behaviours are not in line with what they say they want, there are three main possibilities: Firstly, it may be that they don't really want it; maybe they are not convinced of the benefits. The second possibility is that they may well want it, but there are hidden benefits of the current state that will be lost. (For example, someone may get some short-term good feelings from eating all that chocolate when at home bored in an evening) Then the third possibility is that they want it, but don't believe it is possible and/or appropriate for them. The power of WHY? Although the why question is frowned upon by many in NLP, personal development and hypnosis professionals, the place that I have found the Why question useful is in establishing someone's motivation for doing something. Assuming that you have a clear idea of what you want. When you have an idea of something that you think you want, go ahead and ask yourself "Why do I want this? What will it get me? What will it do for me? Identify to yourself the benefits of making the change you wish to make. How much do you want them? Is it worth the effort? My experience with this is very straightforward: I will only put effort into something that I really want. Now, you can really rocket-fuel the experience by following this simple procedure: As I have suggested before, imagine that you are in that future situation enjoying the benefits of the change you have made. See what you'll see, hear what you'll hear and feel what you'll feel once you have achieved that outcome (stopping smoking, achieved ideal weight, earned a certain amount of money, got that promotion, asked that person out on a date etc, etc.). Make the colours bright and really experience it in your mind as you think it would be. Then, just step out of the experience, dissociate yourself from it and see it, look at it as if you are looking at a picture of yourself in the future, enjoying the benefits of that change. Also, make that picture big, bold and bright. If at this point you are feeling motivated to make the change, great. If not, think to yourself; do you really want it, or is it just something you think you should do? If you don't want to do it - don't do it! (If it's something you don't want to do but have to, like pay taxes, there are other techniques for dealing with that.) Assuming that you do want to make the change, check for a secondary gain. By that I mean, check to see how you will benefit if you do NOT make the change. Have a think to yourself about how there might be a sceondary gain or a hidden benefit of NOT achieving the change; something that might be making it worth not achieving the goal or the change. Once you've taken care of motivation and secondary gain, it is time to check for belief. Ask yourself or get someone to ask you the following questions: Do you want this? Is this possible for you? Do you know how to do this? Do you deserve this? Then notice your own immediate response, be honest with yourself or ask the other person to watch and to listen to you closely when you respond. Does it seem like a congruent response (ie. like you really believe it) or are you unsure / incongruent. If the answer to any of these questions is 'no', or if the 'yes' response is incongruent (eg. head shaking while saying yes), then there may be an issue of belief. A simple way to start shifting beliefs is through using the good old new age technique of affirmations. (Unless you have learned self-hypnosis, in which case do that; it is far more powerful. You can of course look at my learn self-hypnosis DVDs at my website) So, to create this affirmation, create a first person present tense sentence containing what you are affirming, then say it to yourself in a positive and encouraging tone of voice (Eg. 'I am supremely confident', 'I am fit & healthy') You may find that you have to say your affirmation a number of times before you really begin to start noticing differences, but they do work (plus, lots of people say horrible things to themselves lots of the time anyway, so you may as well start saying nice things to yourself in good tonality.) The way I see it, if you are going to say anything to yourself in your own mind, you may as well say nice and progressive things eh? Here is a nice idea for you to have a go at, it is one to stretch your flexibility. Practice looking in the mirror and saying 'I love you'. If, when you do this, your statement seems obviously true and positive, great! Do it twice a day forever. If (as is the case for many people) it seems unbelievably yucky, insincere and horrible, do it anyway. Pretend that you mean it. Keep on doing it for at least three weeks - you may be amazed at what starts to happen. Once it seems obviously true and positive, great! Do it twice a day forever. Really enjoy the first half of the month of May. Do some different things and let me know what you have done differently and the difference it made, or get in touch with me if you need some inspiration. Just last week, some pointed to me a quote that has been re-hashed several times before, but is a great one; "Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting.'...Holy Cow...What a Ride!!' Copyright 2005 Adam Eason. All Rights Reserved. Adam Eason is an author, consultant, trainer and motivational speaker in the fields of hypnosis, NLP, personal development and human potential. His website is filled with information, stimulating articles, resources and uniques products. Adam's bi-monthly free ezine is packed with modern, innovative psychological tips, techniques and strategies; all those who sign up receive an instantly downloadable, unique hypnosis session to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.
MORE RESOURCES: See the complete list of Articles on Motivation here Have a look at Best Selling Books on Motivation
See also : Other articles on
Depression,
Grief-loss,
Elder Care
Relationships
Why not be an expert yourself ? If you can write on
any of the above topic, you are welcome to submit your Submit
your article here |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Change One thing in life is certain---change. Things never stay the same. Create Your Own Confidence Bank Account This is a technique that sounds a bit silly when you first hear about it (and doesn't seem at first to get much better as you read on) but WORKS, which is what counts, if you apply it to your life. The idea is to "open" a Confidence Bank Account for yourself. Perfect to the Penny At some point in our careers, we may find ourselves part of an obsolete operation, such as a downsizing, business insolvency, or even a single retail store closing.This can be a time of positive reflection for us, if we "step back" and ponder the good things that have happened, as well as all the new things we have learned. Wahms, Dont Compare Yourself With Others! Wahms, do you constantly compare yourself with others and come up short?You know how it is.. 7 Steps To Change Your Life The quality of your life is directly related to your standards. A standard is a personal rule or expectation about the level of excellence you require in something, and when you raise your standards you change your life. Changing Stumbling Blocks To Stepping Stones? "The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how you use them." - UnknownIt is not really what happens to us that matter but how we react to it. Enlarge Your Vision Millions struggle through life barely earning enough to survive. Many are trapped in a job they hate, but are making just enough that they think they can't afford to start at the bottom in something else. Anamchara - Beyond Positive Thinking One of the most well known books ever written on success is James Allan's "As a man thinketh."This book advocates thinking in a positive manner in order to create the life you dream of having. Learning To Embrace Change The only constant is change. If theres one thing we can count on in our life it is that whatever is going on now, will change. Condition or Definition? In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a statement about a negative habit followed by these words: "that's just who I am." I challenged her to re-examine what she had said. Lets Get to the Bottom of Low Self-Esteem If you suffer from low self-esteem, it's because you don't know yourself well enough to appreciate how basically wonderful you are. This is not empty flattery. Winners vs Whiners It started out as a windy, rainy day. A tropical wave was moving through our area of the planet. Creating Positive Environments, Part 1: Using Art One of our most active senses is sight. What we see can affect our outlook and attitude by how its counterpart, our brain, perceives visual information that it filters through its memory banks. Questions and Affirmations - The Art (and Science) Of Talking To Yourself I Hear Voices?This is not a statement of paranormal; it is a statement of truth. Yes, we all have an inner voice?Is yours an ally or an enemy? Do you realize you say things to yourself you would never let anyone else say to you? Don't let your inner voice tear you down and strip away your confidence. Free Tips To Increase Self-Esteem I have had many confidence issues in my life, all of which I have either dealt with or overcome. I have written about some of these issues below. Chanel Your Prosperity Energy Today Every emotion, wether we classify it as good or bad, has energy. Think about it. Develop Yourself - The Power Within Living without limits. Living your life to the fullest. How Do You Habitually Treat Yourself? In order to learn how to relieve ourselves of self-defeating patterns, the obvious first step is to become aware of what these patterns are.The easiest way to do this is simply to become a casual observer of your own behavior and to take stock of how you treat yourself. Spring Into Enchantment Who can control a smile sneaking across your face as you go outside on a beautiful spring day, suddenly finding your nostrils filled with a sweet aroma of fresh blooms, while feeling warm breezes against your skin, whispering, "No coat today."? Nature provides enchantment all around us in the spring. 10 Tips to Cope with Negative Emotions at Work It's a fact of life - if you want to succeed in business, you need to know how to interact and communicate effectively with your employees, business partners, vendors, prospects, and customers. As a small business owner, this might involve rapid shifting from one type of language to another.
|
|
You are here |
|
| Positive-attitude Tips Home | Positive-attitude Tips - Complete list | |
|
| Main Home | | Meditation Corner | |
|
|
| Recommend us | |
|
[About
us] [Contact] [Privacy
Policy]
Copyright 2006, Meditation
is Easy.com, All
rights reserved
