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Use Affirmations to Build Self-Esteem

Most of us carry on a running internal dialogue at all times. It is as if our lives are a sporting event on television and there is a panel of psychic sports commentators hunched overtheir microphones doing a play-by-play of the action.

Too often, the person at the "negative commentary" microphonehogs the show! The unseen producer has the volume on that miketurned up, and the other microphones are muted or turned offentirely.

What comes through in this ongoing psychic play-by-play is often quite negative, harsh, critical -- as if someone isscreaming: "You idiot! You should have known not to get in thislane. Of course it's going to be the slowest!" Or: "You alwaysdo it wrong. Everybody else knows how to do this, but YOU..."

Imagine how a real-life football game would unfold if thequarterback had these voices echoing in his head while he is onthe field, calling and executing plays under intense pressure.It's safe to say his performance would be less than optimal.

The same is true for us, as we listen to negative or doubting orcritical or pessimistic voices in our heads. "This speechprobably won't go well." "I'm always unlucky -- good thingsnever happen to me."

It can take tremendous focus and extraordinary expenditure ofenergy to function at our best when we are distracted by this chorus of silent negativity echoing within our minds.

These negative and critical voices are likely to be the loudestwhen one is tired, hungry, lonely, sad, sick -- or in some kindof emotional or physical pain. When one's strength or resistance is lowered, it seems the negative voices only gain in strength and intensity.

The conscious and intentional use of positive affirmations is apowerful way to counter these voices of negativity within. It is important to emphasize that what we are suggesting here is not self-hypnosis or an attempt to "psych" yourself into believing something which at the moment you don't believe.

No, the use of positive affirmations is simply to rebalance theinternal dialogue, to add more positive voices to the mix. Toreturn to our sports commentary analogy, using positiveaffirmations is akin to "producing your own show" -- unmuting the microphones before the commentators who are inclined to view the game in a more positive and compassionate light, thus giving these voices more air time in the internal dialogue.

In fact, as I tell my clients, it is not important that theybelieve the affirmations as they are speaking or reading them.The benefit occurs through simply adding positive and affirmative statements into the ongoing dialogue within. This slowly begins to shift the balance toward a more optimistic, compassionate and self-accepting way of relating to oneself.

Try an experiment. Make a list of five simple affirmativestatements about yourself. Go through the list and edit out anynegative, ambivalent or pessimistic language until the statements are unequivocally positive.

Examples:

"I try hard to do my best."

"I am a good and loving person."

"When I am angry or upset, I am only responding out of my hurt and my confusion."

"I am learning more each day about how to make the most of mylife."

"I am loved and accepted by those who truly know me."

Read through your list four or five times a day -- for a week.Let yourself hear the words without trying to analyze them ordebate about whether they are true. Don't worry if you don'tfeel anything immediately -- there's no magic here.

But there is a kind of magic, over time, in practicing self-compassion -- acts of kindness and generosity directed towardsoneself. The world can be a hard place -- do we really need tomake things more difficult for ourselves? Imagine yourself as afriend -- to yourself! Positive affirmations are a way ofrebalancing the too-often negative internal dialogue, by addingin some consciously chosen words of kindness, compassion andoptimism.

I dare you to try it!

David Yarian, Ph.D. is the creator of The Guide to Self-HelpBooks, http://www.Books4SelfHelp.com and co-author of Self-HelpCentral, an ezine to help you build a better life with self-helpresources. He is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and CertifiedSex Therapist in private practice in Nashville, TN. His professional website is http://www.DavidYarian.com.

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