Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Humor
Humor Tips by experts
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Humor Humor Tips by experts |
|
|
|
|
A Dogs Guide To... Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking
I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT. So, whattya gonna do about it? Well, if you're Amber and Terry, you're going to do NOTHING about it. Ain't nobody going to silence the Rubinman, you know what I'm sayin'? If you're NOT Amber and Terry, though (i.e. you're smart) and you want to know how to get your dog to just freakin' shut up once in a while, here's what you need to know? Why is your dog barking? I'll be honest here: I bark because I like it. And because it gets me some attention. I'm all about the attention. Now, you coulda probably guessed about the attention thing, but the fact that we actually ENJOY it? Who knew? It's true, though. Sometimes I just get a kick out of it. It's like, I start barking because I'm excited, and then after a while I'm all, "hey! This totally rocks!" So I bark some more. And then some more after that. Then I finish up with a quick round of barking. Sometimes I come back for an encore. The truth is, by this time, like Justin Timberlake, I'm lovin' it. So, how're you gonna stop me? (Clue: you're not. You'll NEVER stop the Rubinman. But you know what I mean.) Well, if you want to stop a dog that's barking just for the hell of it, you're gonna hafta get clever. Cleverer than Amber and Terry. Whatever you do, DON'T shout at me. You want to know what I think when you shout at me while I'm barking? I think, "Coooool! They're totally barking with me! This SO rocks!" Ha! Amateurs! No, what you need to do is, you need to distract me. You could play with me. You could feed me. (Actually, you should totally feed me. That's the best thing to do. End of article.) But it's better if you TRAIN me. Uh-huh. TRAIN ME. Now, I know what y'all are thinking. You're all, "But the Rubinman is cleverer than me! I'd NEVER train him!" Well, you're right. You totally wouldn't. But if you have a NORMAL dog, you can train it. Mebbe. I am what's called "clicker trained." Clicker training is when you, like, get this CLICKY thing and get your dog to believe that if the thing clicks, something good happens. Could be a goodboy. Could be a big cuddle. (Note: the Rubinman is NOT a sissy. But a cuddle can be nice). Could be playing with your toys. Whatever it is, it's GOOD. The clicker is power, and once ya got power over the dog, you're the boss of it.* If you're REALLY clever, you can teach your mutt to bark on command, and then stop barking on command too, using the clicker. That's probably too advanced for you lot, though, so? Understand why YOUR dog is barking So, yeah, now you know why the Rubinman barks. It's important to know why YOUR dog barks, though. Here are some possible reasons: · He is bored.· He is scared. (I mean, I'm NEVER scared, but then I WAS raised by wolves?)· He is lonely.· He has seen the postman. · Little Timmy is stuck down a well and your dog wants to lead you to that well, rescue little Timmy and get a reward. I'll tell ya, that happens to me a LOT. Soooooo many reasons for barking there. First thing you need to do is, you need to find out which reason is the right one. I'll be honest here: it's probably the postman. A word about the postman Most so-called "exerts" will tell you that your dog barks when he sees the postman because the postman is intruding on your property and the dog can't tell the difference between "friend" and "foe." What a lot of crap experts talk, no? If I talked crap like that, man, I'd be ashamed to call myself the Rubinman, I really would. As any dog will tell you, we bark at the postman because we hate that sucker. In the wild, postmen are our natural enemies. Walking up our driveway day after day. Stuffing things through our door. Ringing the bell. I mean, honestly, do YOU think that's acceptable behaviour? Stopping the barking You ain't never gonna stop the "me against the postman" mentality. All you can do, really, is bribe your dog to stay quiet. Remember: we have no morals. (I mean, we sniff other dog's butts IN THE STREET, do we look like we'd turn up our noses at a spot of bribery?) We won't be offended if you bribe us. Now, I'm not saying you should always bribe us with chocolate goodboys. (I totally AM saying that, by the way). I'm just saying the best way to get us to behave is to reward us handsomely when we behave ourselves. Goodboys. Cuddles. Rubbing our furry bellies. Do this and we will stop barking. Mebbe. * Amber and Terry, obviously, are NOT the boss of me, though. No one's the boss of me. Rubin is a wolf in Bichon Frise's clothing. Read his blog, the Dog's Diary Rubin's owner, Amber, is a freelance writer. Visit Amber's website Hot Igloo Copywriting
MORE RESOURCES: See the complete list of Articles on Humor here Have a look at Best Selling Books on Humor
See also : Other articles on
Depression,
Grief-loss,
Elder Care
Relationships Latest info on : Humour
Humor - Google News
Why not be an expert yourself ? If you can write on
any of the above topic, you are welcome to submit your Submit
your article here |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Bed Bugs Bite I just turned on the news a minute ago and wondered why there weren't news flashes regarding when -- and perhaps where -- people are turning on the news. Sometimes it is a slow news week, and there's not much to read in Newsweek, so maybe this could take up some space. If Real People Ran the Bank - I (a spoof for the heart) Banish Loans ForeverIf ordinary, hard-working, people ran the bank.. Bad Days and Bad Timing Have you ever noticed how family members always misbehave at the most inappropriate moments? Well, let me tell you, it's not just the little ones that spout off with remarks that make you want to don a cloak of invisibility.My son was just having one of those days. Setting History Straight Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the name Artie Seymour? Probably not. But you will, you will, when the word gets around about how these two inglorious talents were by-passed, how they missed being touched by the magic wand of Fate. And the World Goes Round If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you are permitted to snicker at this problem. Anchorage, Alaska, just opened its first two roundabouts at a major intersection. 11 Alternative Garden Games Tired of the same ol', same ol' when it come to entertaining your garden party guests? Weary of boring badminton and jarts? Croquet not your style? Then you're in the right spot! Here are games sure to make your next party the hit of the gardening social season!IcebreakersGame #1: The Gnat SlapEquipment required: A garden of any size.As your guests arrive, invite them for the obligatory 'stroll through the garden'. Used Condom Found In Restaurant Salad Bar; Waiter Embarrassed To Tears Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy restaurant salad bar in Detroit last week, embarrassing not only the perpetrators, but nearly everyone associated with the company.Apparently, Mike Finney and Rhonda Carrion were working together to close down the restaurant's soup, salad and dessert bar and, with no one else around, culminated a night of flirting with sexual intercourse right on the bar. The Worlds First Comedian? If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must be sincerely old. That's because he appeared around 400 B. Beyond Black and White Over visiting a neighbor the other day?"Would you like a cup of coffee?" he asks. "I just roasted the latest batch. The Zapp Principle My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was always a mess. This time it was a lightly charred mess, covered with extinguisher gloop. Cloning Advantage Super Families As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves in an interesting predicament. We see the need of self to extend past one's own lifetime as an innate characteristic; self-preservation has always been one of mankind's greatest drivers of motivation. Finding Lost Children A couple of days ago I had to go to a dealership to get my car fixed. I am not implying that I don't want my car to have children, because who am I to make that choice? More so, I was sent a letter about a recall on one of the parts (the hazards, actually), meaning that the dealership was obligated to fix my car while I watched television and drank free coffee from a vending machine?"This is quite a deal," you may be thinking. Important Safety Tip$ I was given a list of Do's and Don'ts of interacting with people who have dementia. I've modified this list only slightly to guide you in safely interacting with corporate executives. Very Precise Fortune Cookies I cracked open the fortune cookie and read the little slip of paper on the inside. Immediately I realized that it had been written by a weather forecaster. Eye Spy Potatoes Lately I've had the problem of falling asleep with my contact lenses still in my eyes. And by "lately," I mean for the past seven years. Laughing Toward Truth: Six Tips for Lighthearted Thinkers Do you believe in the power of your convictions?It's time to lighten up.People love attaching themselves to ideas. Health Club Regulars -- Some of the People Youre Likely To Meet at the Gym One of the great benefits of belonging to a health club is the huge variety of exercise equipment that's available. It's also a great place to meet and observe a wide cross section of society. 3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices I have heard the rumblings of many of you inReaderland about the recent spike ingasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. How to Build a Cobblestone House He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down - certainly not if the house was built with cobblestones. Building cobblestone houses was a folk art that flourished in upstate New York from 1825 until the Civil War in 1860. [Not So] Outgoing Mail I am currently perplexed by the concept of outgoing mail. I mean, I understand it in theory, but today I tried talking to it and it didn't even respond.
|
|
You are here |
|
| Humour Tips Home | Humour Tips - Complete list | |
|
| Main Home | | Meditation Corner | |
|
|
| Recommend us | |
|
[About
us] [Contact] [Privacy
Policy]
Copyright 2006, Meditation
is Easy.com, All
rights reserved
