Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Happiness
Happiness Tips by experts
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Happiness Happiness Tips by experts |
|
|
|
|
The Personal Cost of Shyness
Has someone nearby been sending you emails rather than calling or meeting you face-to-face? When you do get together, does she or he stand back, avoid holding eye contact, or speaking up? While there are many possible reasons for their behavior, that person may, in fact, be a victim of what has become "the third most prevalent psychiatric disorder" according to Dr. Lynne Henderson, a director of The Shyness Clinic. Yes, shyness. Along with Dr. Phil Zimbardo of Stanford University, Henderson has been studying what they believe is a growing social epidemic. In their research, nearly half of Americans describe themselves as chronically shy. Another 40% considered themselves as previously shy and only about 5% believed they were never shy. Dr. Zimbardo intends to draw more public attention to this disorder in his role as the new president of the American Psychological Assocation. Shy people tend to smile, touch and speak less. In social situations they experience symptoms such as rapid heart beat, perspiration, and butterflies in the stomach . . . often. Henderson and Zimbardo say that shyness is a form of excessive self- preoccupation. Shy people think more negative thoughts about themselves, are more likely to expect to be rejected and perceive others as less approachable than less shy people. They are even more likely to forget information presented to them when they believe that they are being evaluated. In short, the world looks like a scary, unfriendly place, so, ironically, they prove themselves right and often look unapproachable. At what cost? Shy people obviously have more trouble meeting people, conversing, forming relationships -- participating in life. Professor emeritus Thomas Harrell of Stanford University examined Stanford M.B.A.'s over a 20 year period to elicit their "success" factor and found that,"The number one factor linked with success was social extroversion, the ability to speak up, something that shy people are least apt to do. The bad news continues. In addition to the pervasive loneliness which shyness engenders, two potent, negative consequences of shyness are 1) greater health problems because shy people tend to have a weak network of friends and are thus less resilient to illness and less likely to even tell give doctors sufficient information to be treated, and 2) likely to make less money, live up to their potential at work or feel appreciated for their contributions. Metaphorically, shyness is a shrinking back from life that weakens the bonds of human connection. In her book, "That's Not What I Meant", Dr. Deborah Tannen wrote that, "Little of what we say is really important, relative to the words that are used, but it is the conversation itself that shows involvement." Why are more American describing themselves as shy? Is it our growing social isolation? Machines are replacing humans in many of our everyday interactions, from bank ATMs to gas stations to Email. Dr. Henderson believes that, "The growing context of indifference to others means a lowered priority is being given to being social." With less time spent in face-to-face interaction people are feeliing less comfortable with their ability to connect when they do want that closeness, turning modern-day shy. What can you do to reach out through your shyness? Shyness expert, Jonathan Berent, offers four pieces of advice which I have paraphrased: 1. When you feel safe you do not feel shy. Seek out and create safe environments to experience the non-shy parts of yourself, where you can be completely yourself without fear of judgment or negative consequences. 2. You are responsible for your actions, not your feelings. A natural instinct is to be driven to get rid of uncomfortable feelings. But you can remove feelings or control them. You can only feel them and then move onto what you want to feel or do next. 3. Your feelings are not within your control, but your follow-up thoughts and actions are. Trying not to feel shy leads you to trying not to feel at all. Try stuffing your feelings and you may turn compulsive, obsessive, addicted to something or someone and/or withdraw. If you try to stay with your feeling of shyness and see the worst that you can feel, then, over time, you know that you can survive, and even thrive in situation that had seemed scary. 4. Shy people are often attracted to those who do not return the affection which is a very painful way of creating safety. Knowing this, you can become more aware of people who are comfortable enough to reciprocate your reaching out. One final personal note. Most of my childhood I was quiet and kept to myself, mostly because I enjoyed daydreaming and reading. But most people thought that I was shy. In fact a school therapist diagnosed me as "phobically shy." I saw how isolating their view of me could make my life if I did not learn to reach out more so that people would be comfortable with me when I did want to connect. We all know from harsh experience that, while everyone yearns to be known and cared for, not everyone knows how to show appreciation in the face of caring. You "say it better" to connect and care, not because those gestures will always be acknowledged, but because, it is your brave and warm expression of how you want to live your life. Yes? Kare Anderson is the author of LikeABILITY (see Grand Store at http://www.SayitBetter.com), Make Yourself Memorable and SmartPartnering. A popular speaker on SmartPartnering and on how to be more frequently-quoted to become your kind of customers' top- of-mind choice, she also publishes the SayitBetter newsletter, with 32,000 subscribers in 28 countries.
MORE RESOURCES: See the complete list of Articles on Happiness here Have a look at Best Selling Books on Happiness
See also : Other articles on
Depression,
Happiness,
Humor,
Inspirational,
Motivation,
Latest info on : Happiness
Happiness - Google News Why not be an expert yourself ? If you can write on
any of the above topic, you are welcome to submit your Submit
your article here |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Clearing a Path for Happiness In the United States, the pursuit of happiness is a god-given right and Americans have a document to prove it. But I wonder why the Founding Fathers deliberately phrased it, 'the pursuit of happiness', as if to say --- happiness in itself cannot be granted because it was, and still remains, tied to materialism. Ten Ways to Eliminate Guilt From Your Life 1. Say "Yes" Only When You Want ToYou want to please everyone, but you end up disappointed in yourself. Being Together When it comes to happiness, togetherness is probably the most common cause of such feelings.Being together means more than just close proximity. Simplify - and Be Happy People's lives today are jam-packed with great projects, ideas, to-do lists, errands, things we should do, things we could do, duties and obligations. No surprise then, that many of us feelwe barely have time to do the things we have to do (or think we have to do), let alone spare time for fitting in anything extra. Happiness Is A State Of Mind, Im Happy... I Think! You have the power to attract and repel anything in life you want! It's all in your hands. Contentment, happiness, and joy are right around the corner. You...Your Emotions...Your Relations...Your Happiness and Your Life... We are living in an era, where relations' management is at its low. If the IT or ITES/BPO industry is promoting relations among the employees?the short duration of relations is also a gift of it. How to Stop Attracting Negative People to Your Life Placing your attention, energy and focus on the negative aspects of some people in your life brings you more of the same. Simply put, that's the Law of Attraction at work. Hanging Out Right off the top: What is the difference between dating and hanging out?My teens try to differentiate the two by saying that dating is what you do with someone you want to be serious with. Hanging Out is what you do with good friends. What NOT To Do To Feel Good About Yourself - 10 Tips From the moment we wake in the morning our heads start to fill with all sorts of thoughts. What will you give the kids for breakfast? Will you get the time to iron your blouse before you leave for work? What will you do if you miss the bus? And so it goes on. Suffering and Happiness The one feature that sets life on Earth apart from a paradise is suffering. It poses a problem for humanity and calls for a solution. Happiness Without getting into the core basics of philosophy, I will make a few statements about happiness. Happiness is probably the most sought after emotion, and the hardest to retain on an ongoing basis. Mexican Living: What Makes You Happy? Many ask me this question: "Did moving to Mexico make you happier?" My answer to that question is a resounding "no!" Does that shock you? Does that concern you? Does that cause you to pause? Do more questions come to mind?Moving to Mexico did not make me happy.To explain this I am going to have to get all Dr. Have You Ever Tasted The Fruit Of Pure Happiness? Have you ever been really happy? Have you ever tasted the fruit of pure happiness? Have you ever completed a task with that feeling of YES! I gave it my all. I'm really happy and proud with what I've done. What is Happiness and How to Achieve It? True happiness is such a rare commodity that the whole of the world is continuously seeking it and failing to find it. All the people, who we consider to be the best in their fields, are seeking it too and failing to acquire it. Health and Medical Advice on the Internet: Use it Wisely to Overcome Illness and Find More Happiness I've got a bit of a problem with depression and anxiety. I've been tackling these problems for several years without the use of modern medicine. Where do we Find True and Lasting Happiness? For the longest time I was convinced that I was not happy unless I had a partner to share my life with. I just knew that having someone to share glorious sunrises and romantic sunsets would make me happy. The Gift is in the Giving I have to be honest. I made the woman cashier at BIG! LOTS cry. 4 Steps to Use Fears as Friends: Don't be a Thunder Dog! Imagine humungous, bulbous, billowing alto-cumulus clouds building higher and higher in the sky. They are as black as tar at the bottom and snowy white at the top. 7 Surprising Keys to Happiness Have you ever had one of those days where you just wish youwere in a better mood? Perhaps you tried to shift your stateof mind to something better but struggled to achieve it.Sometimes we get stuck in our own 'stinking thinking' andforget how easy it is to feel happier, so here are sevensimple ways to lift your mood that many people have founduseful and some of them may surprise you!1. Gratitude For Dummies Yes, it might feel great to win the lottery. Money, houses, travel - these are wonderful, but not enough by themselves.
|
|
You are here |
|
| Meditation Article Home | All articles on Meditation-complete list | |
|
Main Home | | Meditation Corner | |
|
|
|Health Tips | Workplace Tips | Soul Tips | |
|
|
| Recommend us | |
|
[About
us] [Contact] [Privacy
Policy]
Copyright 2006, Meditation
is Easy.com, All
rights reserved
