Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Dating
Dating Tips by experts
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
Tips for Stress free life > Expert Zone > Dating Dating Tips by experts |
|
|
|
|
Healing the Midlife Love Crisis
All I wanted was to fall in love and live happily ever after. The End. Except it wasn't that simple. At forty-something, I was hardly "on the shelf", but I was the veteran of two divorces. That gave rise to plenty of self doubt. It gave rise to another more sinister, subtle symptom too: I didn't trust the opposite sex not to hurt me again. And guess what? Since the women I was meeting were in a similar age bracket, and also veterans of some painful emotional history, their fears echoed mine. Result? An almost cast iron guarantee that love cannot flourish! You might as well scatter seed on concrete and expect a wheat field to flourish. The internet is peppered with such walking wounded. Dating sites abound and literally tens of thousands of people from all over the computerised world are looking for love. Naturally, there are success stories with happy endings. But the vast majority are frustrated individuals. Join these sites for a while, (I did for 3 months and ended up staying for 3 years), and you will see the same faces come round again and again. They are not ugly or evil or dangerous people. They are ordinary people like you and me, and yet somehow love is just eluding them. Why? To answer that you have to first ask yourself why anyone wants a relationship in the first place. The answer is not obvious, but it is simple. In just about every generation up to about the 1950's, people got into relationships because it was inevitable. Sooner or later, procreation was going to take place, and pregnancy meant the mothers needed economic support which was, of course, provided by the fathers. Roles were clear, nature played a big part. Whether relationships were "happy" or the couple were "in love" were secondary considerations. The relationship itself was primary, and at all costs was made to survive until death did them part. Add in social and religious pressures, and no wonder our grandparents and all of their forbears stayed together for life. Nowadays we have a completely different agenda. It boils down to this: we will only stay in a relationship, or even enter into one, if it feels better than not doing so. In other words, relationships have to make us happy or we're out. That's a big agenda, but the biggest problem with it isn't its size; it's that it goes unacknowledged. Society, from government to the church to our neighbours, tends towards the old values and we still measure ourselves by them. We still consider ourselves to have failed if we break up a relationship, or worse, if we are the one who is jilted. This, in spite of the fact that we don't bat an eyelid if our friends change career, move house or emigrate no matter how many times they do it. But change partners? There's something wrong with you! The fact remains, though, that broken relationships lead to broken hearts, and broken hearts hurt. Pain leads to fear, and fear leads to either a total giving up, or an attempt to half commit - with resulting unsatisfactory relationships all round. So what's the antidote? Two things, really. First, love yourself. If you can feel good about the person you're guaranteed to wake up with every day of your life, no one can hurt you, because that's your inner strength. It wouldn't matter how many times someone told Arnold Schwarzenegger he was a weakling, would it? He would always know that wasn't true. Secondly, get clear, really clear, about what you want. And then be honest about that. Do you really want to be with someone with young children? Do you mind if the lovely person you've just met has an almost zero libido? Or an insatiable one? Also be flexible with yourself about this. Your wants and needs are going to change. They won't be the same three months after the end of a relationship as they will be when three years have elapsed. So you have to learn to listen to your inner self, and not only hear it, but trust it and act on its advice! What this amounts to actually reduces to an amazing and simple formula for finding and keeping true love. Want to know what it is? Get to know, like and love the person you spend every day with. (For full details of who that is, check your nearest mirror!) That's it! That way, you'll have bundles of love to give away, you'll be a joy to be around, (which makes you irresistibly attractive), and during those times when you find yourself alone, you'll be delighted to have your company for a while. After all, who wouldn't? Trevor Emdon is a senior Mental Health & NLP practitioner who graduated from Anthony Robbins' Mastery University in 1999 with full honors. He trained in metaphysics with Gill Edwards. His latest book, "How to Love Again After Your Heart's Been Broken" is now published and is available now from http://www.lulu.com/content/111153. He will be running workshops on the subject in spring 2005 He can be contacted at tremailwiz-offers@yahoo.co.uk.
MORE RESOURCES: See the complete list of Articles on Dating here Have a look at Best Selling Books on Dating You might be also interested in :
See also : Other articles on
Depression,
Grief-loss,
Elder Care
Relationships Latest info on : Dating
Google News
Why not be an expert yourself ? If you can write on
any of the above topic, you are welcome to submit your Submit
your article here |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How To Find a Great Dating Partner and Have Fun Looking Internet dating can be great fun for you. It is an easy and painless way to meet some great people you might not normally meet. Dating Dilemma: The Man Who Said Hed Call and Didnt You went out with the guy. You both had a great time (or at least you thought he did!). It Pays For Single Christians To Date Other Like-Minded People Searching for the perfect mate can be one of life's greatest challenges.Afterall, forever is a long time. Googling for Love Google: (GOO.gul) v. What is Confident Rapport? The majority of theories on how to pick up girls were compiled by guys who had problems with women and tried to get better. Therein lies the very nature of the problems with most theory. Finding Your Dream Date Sometimes Takes Guts! My husband and I used to live in NYC. WE would often take dog for a walk last night to get her and us exercise. Dating Tips For Animal Lovers! Did you know that experts say the way people treat their pets is indicative of how they'll treat you in a relationship? Minus the sex and relationship talk, having a pet is very similar to a romantic relationship. A pet needs to be cared for, fed, bathed and loved, just like it's human counter part. 1 Step You Should Take to Alleviate Anxiety When Meeting Women Has a similar scenario like this one ever happened to you before?You've met a pretty lady on a matcher maker website and you've both planned to hook up at a local coffee shop to meet in person for the first time. You're quite excited by this meet and greet as you think she is quite a hottie. Still Single for the Holidays? Lucky You! Oh, no! Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year's Eve are coming, and you're still not dating anybody.The specter of enduring gatherings with relatives who harass you because you've failed to hook up trounces your hopes for peace and goodwill. Dating - What to Do on Your First Date Dating at first is fun but as it goes on it's easy to fall into a rut. You always go out to dinner or a movie or stay home and rent videos but you are feeling kind of bored. Does No mean Yes? A recent sexual assault on our campus was a wake-up call to those who thought that our small-town university was safe. But rape by strangers is only one aspect of the problem. Getting The Most From A Romantic Relationship Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a couple has for a happy life together. Being concerned withwhat is good about the relationship is what makes the relationship good. Conversation Starters Can Save Your First Date Conversation starters can literally save your life on a first date.Why?Well, as you know, going on a first date can be very scary and intimidating. Got a Blind Date Right Around the Corner? Got a case of the blind date? Oh yes we know how you feel. Your heart is racing, your blood is pumping and yet you are not sure about it. Help! Im Single for the First Time in Years! You're back on the dating scene. But you're worried as it's been a long time since you were single or looking. How Did Online Dating Become So Popular? SpeedTry to picture what used to happen earlier in the days when people had to depend on the good ol' postal system. During those days, a person had to wait for one or two days for a letter to get across to a person who lived in the same state itself. Ways to Say I Love You in Another Language Have you been looking for romantic and provocative ways to say "I Love You" to your special partner? There are numerous different and creative ways to say "I Love You," but have you ever thought about memorizing "I Love You" in as many foreign languages as possible?Imagine someone whispering to you "Je t'aime" or "Te amo" or "Aloha wau ia 'oe." You'd be intrigued, interested, and pleased, wouldn't you? Well, try several foreign language translations of "I Love You" with a special person in your life and see what happens. The Traditional Jewish Dating In as much as they want to preserve the moral and ethical values of each Jew, Jewish tradition demand that dating between men and women in the concept of premarital relationship should stop at the point of physical contact. Jewish law clearly states that when a young woman begins menstruating, she entices herself in the status of "nidah" or the point when no men can show any physical contact, until the day of her marriage. If You Want A Date, Promote Yourself! How to find a date? Promote yourself! That's one of the key you should consider. It sounds too planned, too contrived, right? You probably wonder whereas the romance; where are all the rainbows, fireworks and stars?Probably that is what you have in mind when advised to put on a personal ad in different kind of publications. Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places? You've hung out in bars, you've answered the personals, you've maxed out the plastic trolling online dating sites, and you still haven't met the right person. Or, you've ended up dating a series of potential perfect matches, only to be disappointed.
|
|
You are here |
|
| Dating Home | Dating Tips - Complete list | |
|
| Main Home | | Meditation Corner | |
|
|
| Recommend us | |
|
[About
us] [Contact] [Privacy
Policy]
Copyright 2006, Meditation
is Easy.com, All
rights reserved
